Why men are struggling and how you can help
Please be aware – this article contains material that is likely to bring up difficult emotions.
By Gregory Delve
“40% of men have never spoken to anyone about their mental health, despite over three-quarters suffering from common symptoms like anxiety, stress or depression.”
Priory – the leading independent provider of behavioural care in the UK.
Nearly 80% of suicide victims are men. Despite their advantages, men are struggling. Many suffer in silence, unwilling or unable to get the support they need. I urge you to think about the men in your life. Fathers, brothers, sons. What are they going through? What aren’t they talking about?
Someone you know might just need help. I want to give you some insight. To help you understand the most common struggles that men face. To share some tips that might help us to support each other. But before I can do that, there is something you need to understand.
| Men tend to internalise rather than communicate. Men often don’t feel comfortable talking about their feelings,... |
Every struggle is personal. Every situation is unique. Every issue is complex. That’s one reason why mental health issues are so challenging to tackle. Unfortunately, I need to generalise to be able to talk about this. Bare that in mind as you read on.
Why do men struggle? There’s no simple answer to this, but we do need to understand what we’re dealing with. Let’s explore some of the most common reasons why men might be struggling.
Men tend to internalise rather than communicate. Men often don’t feel comfortable talking about their feelings, as doing so would mean stepping into unfamiliar and dangerous territory. It can be very isolating to feel like you can’t talk to anybody.
Men are supposed to be strong. They’ve been taught not to show weakness. We’ve all heard the sayings. “Man up.” “Tough it out.” “A real man wouldn’t cry.” These attitudes are damaging. They reinforce unhealthy ideas about what masculinity is supposed to look like, making it that much harder for men to ask for help.
Men are supposed to be independent and successful. Financial pressures and work pressures are among two of the leading issues negatively impacting men’s mental health. Every failure, or perceived failure, can feel like a blemish on a permanent record. Men who have lost their partner or other connections with their family, don’t have meaningful careers, can’t find work, or have been forced to move out of their homes, are especially likely to be struggling. Men living in deprivation are ten times more at risk of having suicidal thoughts than men who have enough to comfortably get by on.
Men may turn to alcohol and substance abuse. Men are more prone to self-medicate using alcohol than women are. Over time alcohol behaves as a depressant, intensifying the effects of depression and anxiety. This isn’t to say that alcohol is always bad, just take care to be responsible with it.
What can be done to help? Again, there’s no simple answer to this. Mental health is a broad and complex issue. Everyone has different needs. Perhaps we can take steps to support the men around us and improve the way we approach mental health. Let’s come up with some ideas about how we can better support men who are struggling.
| If you think someone is struggling, check in with them and keep an eye on them. |
Check in regularly. Even if they seem okay, someone you know might be struggling. Tell them that you want to know how they’re really doing. You want to know even if they feel sad, depressed, or anxious. If they are reluctant to express how they really feel, you might need to keep digging.
Spend more time together. Simply spending time with someone can help them to feel loved and appreciated. Loneliness can contribute to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. Your presence could make a difference.
Encourage better habits. Healthier lifestyles can go a long way towards improved mental health, but healthy habits are hard to maintain. Your gentle support and enthusiasm could be contagious.
Help them to reach out for support. Men are less likely than women to seek out help when they need it. Encourage them to surround themselves with supportive friends and family members. If you think they might be receptive to the idea, you could suggest they try out some therapy.
Be aware of suicidal warning signs. If you think someone is struggling, check in with them and keep an eye on them. Make sure they aren’t exhibiting any signs of suicidal ideation. If they are, it’s time to seek urgent help.
Learn more about mental health issues. If you really want to help, please consider doing some more research. Make sure you are increasingly mental health aware. Learn how to give real support to people who are struggling. I’ve left some links below the article to help get you started.
Support a mental health charity like Mind. Whilst there’s plenty to be done within the realm of your own social sphere, you might also consider supporting a charity like Mind. Mind is a charity that has provided support for people with mental health issues for over 70 years across the UK. Mind has raised awareness and managed to implement some serious quality of life changes for people suffering.
Take care of yourself, too. Looking out for others can be draining, and you won’t be of any use to anyone if you let your own mental health deteriorate in the process. It can be difficult to recognise that you’re struggling. Pay attention to your feelings, and please reach out to someone that you trust if you think you might need help. Help is waiting to be found. You just need to ask for it.
Just Recruitment has been raising awareness to sponsor Simon Thompson in the London marathon.
Follow the link to find out why: Simon’s last tattoo
Helplines:
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/crisis-services/helplines-listening-services/
Charities you may wish to support:
https://www.mind.org.uk/
https://www.samaritans.org/
https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/
https://nightline.ac.uk/
https://www.youngminds.org.uk/
https://www.thecalmzone.net/
https://giveusashout.org/
https://www.themix.org.uk/
Articles you might find interesting:
https://www.priorygroup.com/blog/why-are-suicides-so-high-amongst-men
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helping-someone-else/supporting-someone-who-feels-suicidal/talking-about-suicidal-feelings/
https://www.england.nhs.uk/blog/tackling-the-root-causes-of-suicide/
https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/behaviours/help-for-suicidal-thoughts/
https://shiningalightonsuicide.org.uk/story/danny/
https://www.suicidepreventionherts.org.uk/Your-stories.aspx https://healthydebate.ca/2017/08/topic/male-suicide/
https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20190313-why-more-men-kill-themselves-than-women
https://caregiver.com/articles/depressed-husbands/
https://www.youngminds.org.uk/young-person/my-feelings/suicidal-feelings/
https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/a-z-topics/suicidal-thoughts
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helping-someone-else/supporting-someone-who-feels-suicidal/talking-about-suicidal-feelings/
https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/a-z-topics/men-and-mental-health
Published: 31 August 2022
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